Day 020: Oras Na


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‘Cause it’s time to leave those feelings behind.

Matagal ko nang sinasabi sa sarili ko ‘yan. Pero dahil sa katigasan ng ulo at kalambutan ng puso ko pagdating sayo, leche! Lagi na lang napo-postpone at nakakaligtaan.

But this time, siguro kailangan ko na talagang seryosohin. Dahil simula’t sapul ay iyon naman talaga ang dapat gawin. Dahil iyon ang tama. And everything about you is wrong.

It was wrong to fall in love with you. Wala kang ibang ginawa kundi saktan ako. And I hate to admit but I loved those pains. Worse is pinananabikan ko pang saktan mo ako. Because the truth is ‘yon lang naman ang tanging connection natin.

Minsan naiisip ko bakit kaya kailangang makilala pa kita? For 25 years, napatakbo ko naman ang buhay ko nang wala ka. For 25 years. Alam ko na naman kung paano magmahal at masaktan. Naramdaman ko na ang lahat ng dapat maramdaman. Tapos dadating ka. It confuses me. Ano pa ba’ng hindi ko natututunan at ipinakilala ka sa akin ni God?

Are you meant to teach me na may masakit pa sa sakit na naramdaman ko noon? Well sige, panalo ka. Mission accomplished kumbaga. Pero sana last na ‘to. I can’t imagine kung may sasakit pa ba sa nararamdaman ko ngayon. I’m not sure kung makakaya ko pa. Because right now, the pain you gave me, it’s killing me. I can’t bear it. And I’m still learning and trying to befriend this pain you caused me.

Too bad na hindi mo alam ang lahat ng ito. Will you say sorry kapag nalaman mong uniiyakan kita tonight? Hope this will be the last night that I’ll cry for you. Pagod na rin ako.

————————

Pagbaba ng bus sa Cubao, sumakay ka na ng jeep pauwi sa inyo. Ako naman sa MRT papuntang Ayala. Pagdating sa Glorietta, nadaanan ko ang bracelet na ito. It caught my eyes so binili ko. This will be my everyday reminder that you’re not meant to love me. And I have to let go of these feelings.

Bumili na rin ako ng hair color, gunting at isang set ng ballpen na may iba’t ibang colors.

Pagdating sa bahay, nagkulay na ako ng buhok. Toasted Anise ang kulay. Then I trimmed my bangs, mas inigsian ko pa. Then I used my newly bought ballpen to write all these feelings for you.

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